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Two New Stories on Medium

Hello!

I decided to go ahead and do some more writing! I published two stories to Medium that I know are extremely relevant today. The first one examines LGBTQ+ isolation during this very tough time. The other one examines the difficulty of masks and the hard-of-hearing community.

Here are the links to both of them:

https://medium.com/@patricktullytherapy/isolation-and-internalized-shame-in-the-lgbtq-community-c3a4255473fa

https://medium.com/@patricktullytherapy/hard-of-hearing-please-keep-your-mask-on-98ee2e1eea59

I hope you enjoy!

Best,

Patrick

Black Lives Matter

I want to affirm that I believe in Black Lives Matter and Black Trans Lives Matter. As a provider of mental health services, it’s important that I finally say something more as I can only imagine the difficulty of hoping a provider will honor civil rights and stand with Black Lives Matter and Black Trans Lives.

I have white privilege and that gives me the ability to not worry about violence or assumptions of others in the way that BIPOC have to be concerned with.

My therapy space must be safe for every marginalized community and finally Black Lives and Black Trans Lives have been brought to the forefront as the horrible violence and murder against black people has been acknowledged. This needs to continue and not be a one-time event.

I have an obligation as a provider and a human being who works with diverse people to educate myself on how to be anti-racist.

Here are some resources for you to learn more about how to be anti-racist:

Scaffolded Anti-Racist Resources

LGBTQ Therapy for Individuals

One of my specialties is LGBTQ Therapy for individuals. Therapy for LGBTQ individuals: Gay counseling and therapy for other members of the LGBTQ community is very important to me. As an openly gay man, I want people in the LGBTQ community to receive competent LGBTQ Affirmative counseling. So often providers are merely tolerant, and that is not okay with me. I want to be able to affirm your experience and not make you feel like an “other.” LGBTQ counseling in Los Angeles is more common than other places, but it is still not always affirming and validating. Affirming counseling validates your lived experience as authentic and the therapist understands that an LGBTQ individual has different circumstances than a straight / heterosexual individual.

Please reach out to learn more. I offer both in-person therapy as well as video therapy options.

~Patrick

Accepting Things Out of Your Control

A common theme with anxiety is that the anxious mind wants to give the illusion that you can control things that you really cannot. How many times have you wished you could control your energy level, the different areas in your life, such as dating, and other things? I imagine there may be many things you wish were in your control. It can be hard to accept and let go of these things as would it not be great to be able to know what will happen in the future? Let’s pretend that we were able to control the future and know everything… we would be bored! Sure, things would be easier if we knew the result of things, but I find when I ask people this question that the unfortunate side effect would be eventual boredom. This is true even for people I have asked who try to have control over what they cannot control to the degree that everything they can control is tightly controlled.

But the next time your anxious brain pops up to ask you about how wonderful control would be, remember there are downsides. And it just is not possible.

There is a concept called Radical Acceptance, where we just simply accept that we do not have control over many things. By acknowledging our desire for more control and then just accepting that there is no control, it can be quite powerful. This may seem too simple to be true, but this concept has been studied and has shown benefit.

You can contact me and learn more about it and other ways to accept the uncertain. It takes effort, but an ongoing conscious effort to reclaim reality has been been shown to be greatly beneficial.

Patrick

Is Therapy Right for Me?

It can be tough to decide if therapy will help. You’ve never met the person and even with a phone conversation, you don’t know where it will go.

This is true of all relationships in life. Relationships are always uncertain. But the therapeutic relationship is one that is sacred, one where I cannot break confidentiality except for the few mandated times (which are discussed prior to the onset of therapy).

Therapy has gained more and more acceptance these days. I think as we all are troubled with things that seem like they shouldn’t affect us, we see the benefit of therapy. The interesting thing is that normalization for having our thoughts and feelings is a huge part of therapy and part of why it benefits us so much.

We grow up not knowing if everything we think is appropriate. We have set rules we follow and when we come into ourselves and see how so many things violate those “puritan” rules, we wonder and are left wondering unless an impartial witness can tell us otherwise.

It’s easy for clients to feel this way. I personally feel that just about everyone could benefit from therapy. I’ve always felt that way, even before I considered becoming a therapist. As a person who felt different than everyone else, I had tremendous benefit when a therapist would tell me that what I was experiencing was normal.

And for those things that I couldn’t seem to solve myself, I learned that having a guide to help me find the strength within to solve things was of tremendous benefit.

These days I see more people coming to therapy and being thankful that there’s someone else who can serve as an observer and also offer skill-building, when appropriate.

The therapy room also is a microcosm of how relationships in real life work, so that invites a lot of great insight into the room as to how we communicate.

As a therapist, I see the benefits of increased insight and increased skills to support one’s goals as invaluable.

Call or message me for more information and answers to your questions!

I’m also open to comments as to entries to write for this blog. Contact me at [email protected] to let me know what would be helpful!

Until next time,

Patrick