Shame – loads of it
Jerry* came to see me, as many gay clients in Los Angeles do, concerned being gay meant he would not have the life he wanted. He couldn’t live the normal life he was told to expect. Jerry discovered that society had bombarded him with many messages of shame. LA gay culture felt very isolating to Jerry* and he wondered if there was a place for him in Los Angeles and LGBTQ life.
He was referring not just to any shame or guilt, but toxic shame, the type of shame that wears you out.
Some days are extremely difficult as you feel so heavy from the burdens you carry. Your body is worn down and feels weak from it.
*NOT a real client
Learning how to grow through the shame
We worked on how shame appeared in Jerry’s younger years and connected it to his present life. His behaviors were informed by it. Shame was controlling him
We worked collaboratively on what would help him.
Toxic shame is so prevalent that it’s hard to recognize until someone else sees it.
Learn how to better swat it away as you feel once again empowered and joyful. And maybe for the first time. Jerry understood it was the shame that was telling him he wasn’t able to fit in. He was able to find friends in LA and enjoy the culture and be confident! He recognized that his internalized messages had played a big role, and he had more power than he thought.
Gay relationships have their own type of turmoil
Your relationship feels like a roller coaster, doesn’t it? You argue, blame each other, and feel guilty. Have past relationships followed a similar pattern? The cycle can stop, and you can discover what satisfies you.
Danny* and David* felt as if their lives revolved around anxiety and chaos. They had lived in Culver City for years and were hoping for a fresh start… 5 years ago. But since they had moved to the west side, they never had a peaceful day together. David wanted to bring someone into the relationship, and Danny didn’t know what to do.
Danny wanted to be open to what his partner wanted, but since he didn’t know what HE wanted, he was stuck and felt frozen… speaking felt like a burden.
Both Danny and David decided therapy with me would be beneficial. Core issues were examined and then explored. Once the journey had progressed, communication opened up.
Danny and David found the relationship they felt was right for them.
There is a better life waiting…
Relationships are unique. Individuals are unique. You deserve to know what you want. Call to find out… (323) 819-0747.
*NOT a real client
My name is Patrick Tully. I am gay therapist in Los Angeles, serving the LA, Culver City, and Pasadena community and licensed to provide therapy in all of California and Texas. I’m also able to serve all of Florida with my permanent out-of-state registration. It was my own LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy that helped me come to fully understand myself, and it was working with LGBTQ affirming therapists that helped me feel more comfortable and confident with who I am as a gay man. Being a member any part of the LGBTQIA+ community can be an isolating and different experience from people who are straight and cisgender in their gender identity.
When people do not have any lived experience of what it feels like to be gay, bisexual, lesbian, queer, or trans, or genderfluid or any other gender identity or sexual orientation, it can be frustrating to go to a provider who does not understand. Providers can mix up these experiences and assume that gender identity relates to sexual orientation, when it does not. You deserve to be heard and understood by a counselor who will help you through wherever you are in your journey, whether it involves sexual orientation, gender identity, or both. If your concerns are not directly addressing these but rather other things are the focus (eg. anxiety), you deserve a provider who understands how normal you are! Validating care should be the norm!
It is my goal to bring those same benefits to your life. I am empathetic to your struggles and questions, and I will be there to help you continue to become you. Please contact me today to get started.